This unofficial guide is for listeners, and also for members who are interested in how things work at 7 Cups.

If you’re a listener and you haven’t already done so, take a few minutes to list the topics of conversation that lie outside your personal boundaries. You could write the list in your Notes. (The link provided here works for any listener, provided you are logged in to 7 Cups.) Check your list from time to time to remind yourself of it, and also to keep it updated.

It’s also OK to be willing to chat about any topic without restriction. In this case you don’t need any list. But you should still make the decision not to have any list thoughtfully and in advance.

When you need to transfer a chat

When a chat goes beyond your personal boundaries, consider handing it over to another listener who has different boundaries.

Also consider handing the chat over to another listener when the member feels you are not the right listener to help them.

You need the member’s consent and also the other listener’s consent for this. Unfortunately 7 Cups’ chat system does not directly support transferring chats, so there are many steps:

  1. If your personal boundaries were crossed, tell the member that you are unable to chat about this subject.
  2. Tell the member that another listener might be available.
  3. If the member agrees, go to the Listener Support Room (the question mark button ? at the top right of the chat).
  4. In five words or less, tell the room why you need to hand over the chat. Do not share the member’s name or any more details of the chat, not even if asked.
  5. When you have identified another listener, message that listener to tell them the member’s name.
  6. Tell the member the other listener’s name, and explain that they can expect a message.
  7. End the chat.
  8. Do not discuss the member with the other listener (or with anyone else) at any time.

At step 3, if the member does not agree, and your personal boundaries were crossed, tell the member that you have to end the chat, and end the chat without further discussion.

At step 5, if you cannot find any other listener, ask the member to post in the Members Classifieds area of the forum describing the kind of listener they feel they need.

There is normally no need to block the member. They might want to chat with you about some other topic in the future.

At any stage in all this, allow the member to continue the chat and avoid the problematic subject if that’s what they prefer. Some members value the relationship they have established with you more than the precise subject of the conversation.

After a difficult chat

After a chat that oversteps your personal boundaries, consider chatting to a peer supporter or a mentor about your own feelings. This is particularly important if your feelings persist or if you find yourself thinking about the chat long afterwards.

If a chat affects you emotionally, and this in turn affects your real-life relationships or your ability to live your life normally, do not hesitate to switch to your member account and chat with an experienced listener about what happened and how it affected you, but do not share details of the chat.

If you have a therapist or someone else in the real world you rely on for emotional support, be open with them about the effect volunteering as a listener at 7 Cups has on you, but do not share any details of any chat.