In this fictional chat you shadow a listener called Morinda taking a general request.
Once the chat gets going, Morinda allows you to choose what to say to the member. The correct choice every time is the one that accurately reflects what the member said. Any other choice is wrong.
You start the chat with 5 stars, but every time you choose wrongly you lose a star. If you lose all 5 stars the chat will end immediately.
Remember to press the blue Send button to send each message.
- 8M Hello, I need some advice.
- 0M It’s about my boyfriend :)
- 1I Start with a greeting.
- 0L Welcome to 7 Cups! I’m Morinda.
- 0I And immediately reflect what the member said.
- 0L OK, you need some advice about your boyfriend.
- 0I It’s OK to need advice, obviously…
- 0I …even though we won’t give any advice.
- 0I Let’s see what the issue is.
- 2M He’s been hanging out with bad people.
- 1I Show curiosity.
- 1L Bad people?
- 2M This makes him lazy and he does not do the things he should do.
- 1I Reflect what the member said, so they know they’re being heard.
- 0L He gets lazy when he hangs out with them.
- 2M Let me give you and example.
- 1I Examples are great!
- 0L OK, an example.
- 2M At the weekend I wanted to go to the city for some new shoes.
- 1I Reflect again.
- 0L Ah, to shop for shoes in the city.
- 2M Normally when I want to go to the city he takes me there.
- 0I Now it’s over to you.
- 0I Remember, all we’re doing is reflecting.
- 0Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 26 You must always be careful in the city.
- 28 You don’t want him with you to shop for shoes.
- 0 You normally go together.
- 2M We always have a great time.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 31 It’s great hanging out with his friends.
- 0 It’s great being with him in the city.
- 31 Yeah, weekends are great!
- 2M I was so proud to have a boyfriend like him.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 33 You are so right to be proud of yourself!
- 33 Pride is a sin.
- 0 He made you so proud.
- 2M Then unfortunately he met some bad people and he started hanging out with them.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 31 You didn’t get the shoes you wanted?
- 26 My advice is to get to know them better before you judge them.
- 0 Those people he hangs out with now are bad people.
- 2M They say things about me.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 0 Those people he hangs out with talk about you?
- 31 Those people he hangs out with are in the city?
- 31 Those people he hangs out with make you proud too?
- 2M Yes, the things they say are not true.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 26 You should stand up for yourself. Don’t let them say those things.
- 0 They tell lies about you, those people!
- 29 How can you be sure about that?
- 2M It is making me so anxious and unhappy.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 26 Anxiety disorders can easily be treated with medication. Just ask your doctor.
- 26 When you are unhappy your boyfried will not like you. You should try to cheer up.
- 0 You are anxious and unhappy because he hangs out with these people who tell lies about you.
- 2M So I need your advice about these people.
- 0I It’s OK to need advice.
- 0I That doesn’t mean we give advice!
- 0I All we do is reflect.
- 0Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 26 I can give you excellent advice that will solve your problem.
- 26 I cannot give you any advice.
- 0 Advice about these people he is hanging out with.
- 2M How can I make him stop hanging out with them?
- 0I A reasonable question.
- 0I But we don’t try to solve problems, we only reflect.
- 0Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 28 You need to find a way to make them stop telling lies about you.
- 0 You need to find a way to stop him hanging out with them.
- 31 You need to find a new boyfriend.
- 2M I do not want to have a big argument with him.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 27 Maybe you should threaten to break up with him.
- 26 A big argument would make him respect your needs.
- 0 A big argument is not what you want.
- 2M I cannot stand it when we have fights and he walks out.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 0 He walks out when you fight, and you don’t like that at all.
- 28 He walks out when you try to discuss anything at all.
- 28 He walks out on you all the time, and you have terrible fights because of it.
- 2M I just need him to be with me and so we can do things together.
- 1Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 0 You need things to be the way they were before, when you did things together.
- 26 You need a taxi, not a boyfriend, so you can shop for shoes!
- 26 You need to see a counselor about your depression.
- 2M Is it so wrong to want to be together?
- 0I Another reasonable question.
- 0I However, we don’t judge, we only reflect.
- 0I In this case, we try to reflect the feeling behind the member’s question.
- 0Q Which reply reflects the feelng behind what the member just said?
- 33 It’s not wrong. You should make more effort to be together.
- 0 You want to be together, and you don’t feel that’s wrong.
- 24 You must accept that you cannot be together any more.
- 2M This morning we had a fight and he walked out.
- 0I Ah, this sounds like it’s what the entire chat is all about.
- 0I But while we might think that, we don’t say it!
- 0Q Which reply reflects what the member just said?
- 0 He walked out again when you fought this morning.
- 28 He’s hanging out with those people this morning.
- 32 He should walk out on those bad people, not on you!
- 2M When he comes back I want to make him stop seeing these people he hanges out with.
- 0I And now here’s the member’s plan of action forming.
- 0I We’re basically done, if the plan continues to take shape.
- 1L You’ve decided to make him stop seeing them.
- 2M I will tell him how unhappy I am so he can understand my point of view.
- 1L If he understands your unhappiness he’ll see it your way.
- 2M And then if he loves me like he says he does he will do what I ask.
- 1L He’ll stop seeing those bad people if he really loves you.
- 2M I think it will be OK if I can make him understand.
- 1L If you can get him to understand how unhappy you are, then it will be OK.
- 2M So I will wait for him to return and that is what I will do.
- 1L When he returns you’ll make him understand.
- 2M Thank you for your advice.
- 1I Let’s not argue about whether it was advice!
- 0L :)
- 2M Bye.
Anxiety, like other self-diagnosed conditions, rarely means what it says. Often it’s just worry, and life is full of worries.
Advice, too, means whatever people want it to mean. Active listening is a way to help people feel heard and understood, empowering them to solve their problems or at least move forward. Then they often feel they’ve received good advice, even though all that’s really happened is they’ve been advising themselves.
Accurately reflecting what people say is what shows them they are being heard and understood. It’s very the heart of active listening.